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Thursday, 26 August 2021

Sexual dreams, but… lucid (+18)

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Sexual dreams, but… lucid (+18) Associative picture from Unsplash

We all have dreams. Some of us remember them occasionally, some of us often, and others barely ever. At the same time, we also watch movies, listen to music, podcasts, news, read books, and use social media. This way, sooner or later, we are being introduced to physical intimacy, lovemaking, THE act, rumpy-pumpy, intercourse, sex, you name it.

Everything that we experience in our daily life sinks into the subconscious mind. You do not need to be a nymphomaniac to have sexual dreams. Indeed, you can still be a virgin and have sex in a dream.

Practically men are the best witnesses. Nocturnal emission (i.e., wet dreams) is a typical trait of puberty and is widely known in modern societies. However, no one can omit that both men and women (disregarding their age) can reach orgasm although they are sleeping. What is interesting about wet dreams, in particular, is that one can ejaculate without having a vivid erotic dream related to intercourse.

A group of researchers from the University of Montreal has investigated men and women for 11 years. The results showed that 73% of women had occasional erotic dreams, so did 85% of men. Concluding the study, we can presume that around 80% of adults have sexual dreams from time to time.

"73% of women had occasional erotic dreams, so did 85% of men."

So what do they dream about specifically?

The survey conducted on 1000 men and 1000 women by demonstrates that men's most common sexual dream is having sex with their ex (even 92% of men chose the answer), which does not necessarily mean that they are missing their exes. On the other hand, the most popular answer among women is making love to a friend (around 75% of women confessed that). Taking the rest of the results to the survey on a large scale, we would find out that men are more prone to dream about imaginary situations like embarrassing themselves while having sex or having group sex and imaginary people like celebrities. Women, in this case, are more down-to-earth. Their erotic dreams involve friends, colleagues, strangers, or even their current partner.

"The survey conducted on 1000 men and 1000 women by demonstrates that the most common sexual dream among men is having sex with their ex (even 92% of men chose the answer)… On the other hand, the most popular answer among women is making love to a friend (around 75% of women confessed that)."

Sexual dreams, similarly to lucid dreams, are very fragile as they generate unusual responses for the sleeping state from our body (but are normal while being in a conscious awakening state). Especially when a lucid dreamer or even an average dreamer is being very excited and joyful in his dream, it can often end up in waking up from it.

So, one of the most frequent questions among beginners in lucid dreaming is: can I have sex in a lucid dream? And the answer is yes. Indeed, having sex in a controlled, conscious dream is one of the core reasons people get into this practice (despite flying, of course).

How to stimulate a sexual lucid dream?

1. Knowledge.

Well, this may be extremely odd, but in case you have never heard about orgasm or have never seen people having intercourse, it is hardly possible for your brain even to project a sex dream. Remember that your dreams are projections of reality and imagination, so if you have never seen, heard, or read about sex, you may never receive the whole experience of it. However, there is still a chance that you may ejaculate (13% of young men experience their first ejaculation in a wet dream). So, to have an erotic lucid dream, you also need to possess a base of knowledge that could fill your subconscious mind.

2. Manifest.

This point is nothing new to you if you have ever tried to stimulate a lucid dream yourself, but it is worth mentioning here. It fulfills the first step, which is gaining knowledge about what you want to see in your dream. Thus, it strengthens the effect of some visualizations and makes them more remarkable subconsciously.

Manifesting consists of writing, talking to oneself, and imagining. There are many techniques you can implement an idea into your brain (some of them you can remember from school when you had to rewrite multiple times the same sentence on the board regarding good behavior). Try writing or soliloquize as many times as you want one sentence about your sexual fantasy.

3. Visualize your manifestation.

An important aspect of manifestation is picturing the result you are seeking. It comes in handy in lucid dreams as well. Undoubtedly you have to imagine the ambiance and the person (it is up to you what you are trying to see). But that is not enough. Experts of the manifestation stress the significance of self-reflection. You have to picture your feelings, thoughts, connection with the surroundings that are the most convincing.

4. Use the MILD and WBTB techniques if you are new.

Shortly if this is your first time trying to be lucid for both techniques, you may need to do the same thing: use your alarm and set it up so that you wake up 4.5-6 hours into your sleep. For MILD (mnemonic induction of lucid dream), the moment you wake up from the alarm, you tell and convince yourself to remember that you are dreaming as soon as you fall asleep. And for WBTB (wake back to bed) method, once you wake up, you wait 15 to 90 minutes (you can do anything you want, but it is recommended to remain calm and restful) to fall back to sleep.

5. Fall asleep on the stomach.

…if your goal is genital arousal and orgasm. It has been justified by a study published in the journal Dreaming (2012). Participants of the research who have declared experiencing erotic dreams slept on their stomach most of their sleeping time. That is due to obvious physical reasons. As genitals press against the bed, they can be easily stimulated unconsciously. Thereby, your subconscious/lucid dreaming mind can intervene and create a visual background.

If you are advanced in lucid dreaming…

You can already master your dreams and add a little bit of spice to them. Nevertheless, do not stick solely to your sexual fantasies. They also could cause severe consequences on your personal daily life – such as developing a lack of interest in real-life sex partners. Therefore, what are the pros and cons of sexual dreams that advanced dreamers need to know?


1. Exaggerated senses (and orgasms).

Perhaps if you accidentally had intercourse in your lucid dream, you might have had a more surreal, intense orgasm. In a way, we can compare sex to tasting one's favorite food, which is satisfying and ensures us with dopamine. Many lucid dreamers who have tasted a portion of food in their conscious sleeping state claim that the flavors are even more spectacular in a dream. Does this mean that sexual climax can intensify in a lucid dream? Yes. Your subconscious mind collects all of your memories and emotions, including tastes and orgasms. Therefore, as a part of the subconscious mind, lucid dreams sort out the best and the worst impressions.

2. Reasonably safe.

The dream world is the only world in which we have absolute freedom. That is to say, our imagination. Furthermore, it is the only world where you are not risking hurting somebody like your partner or the other person romantically interested in you. It is a debatable alternative, but undeniably, it is the safest one so far if you are curious.

3. You can do it with anyone, at any time and place.

The more you practice lucid dreaming, the more control over it you possess. For beginners, it is difficult to understand the freedom and diversity existing that can involve sex. By manifesting or simply being aware of the dream, you can change theoretical positions, colors, and sounds. No wonder why the most popular activities in lucid dreams are flying and making love.

4. Boosts creativity.

One hypothesis for which people dream about sex is that they are bored in the bedroom or might be lacking fantasy. Due to dissatisfaction, couples whether distance themselves and accept the idea or diversify their sexual life. Sometimes sexual dreams could be the source of inspiration while diversifying and searching for the best solution. Some lucid dreamers are capable of picking their sex partner, and sometimes the most moral and beneficial decision is to select your real-life partner. Hence, you could reflect on sexual dreams with your partner and try realizing them. Let the dream flow and show what is enjoyable to you personally.

"It is a debatable alternative, but undeniably it is the safest one so far if you are curious."


1. Unrealistic expectations in life.

One of the reasons people are so impatient and thrilled to have erotic lucid dreams is that they are distant from reality. You can have sex with your beloved celebrity, coworker, in a group of three or ten (basically, there is plenty of things that are impossible or could embarrass you in reality). So how is it harmful? It can be addictive and consequently result in a lucid dreamer's loss of interest in real life. Some lucid dreamers get seriously entangled with their dream world because, at first sight, it seems to be easier and more facilitating. Moreover, by adding physical aspects into account, people are probably prone to be enjoying lucid dreams more (especially those with weaker social skills or mental disorders like depression, bipolar disorder, etc.).

2. Could end the whole dream.

It takes a lot of effort to stimulate a lucid dream. Unfortunately, a successful lucid dream that tackles emotions and intensifies them is not as profound as it may seem. It is likely that once you induce more and more feelings while approaching culmination or ejaculation in terms of the physical peak, you will not experience it, and the dream may end. It is often recommended not to be utterly joyful, scared, sad, or angry. Lucid emotions can destroy the entire lucid dream.

3. Forgetting perspectives of lucidity.

First and foremost, that does not mean you should not try lucid dream sex. You have one life and if there is something you want to try, go for it. But some of us from experience can admit that being stuck with something like an illusion is not only perplexing but a waste of time. Rules from reality could be implied in conscious sleeping, as well. If intercourse is a daily practice of one's lucid dreaming routine, alongside the time, the person is missing out on many opportunities like flying, diving, or going on an adventure. The issue arises when a lucid dreamer acknowledges his attachment to an object or event and that he is not as interested in the rest of the wonders present in conscious dreams. That might be a sign of an addiction to lucid sexual dreams. Alike in the real world, severe addicts reject any chances to discover, travel, create families, build careers, and know new people. Try not to stick to having sex in your lucid dreams – diverse experiences are much more beneficial.

4. It is a vision.

After all, it all comes back to the same point. Reality check. Perhaps, you avoid the ritual, but it is just proof to distinguish your real-life from the conscious hallucinations you face at night. Conscious sleeping is intriguing, but it should not overcome your memories from the real world. Indeed, the disinterest and potential (emotional or physical) discharged in your dreams can hurt the people around you. Not everything is as dramatic as in sci-fi series, but it is healthy and necessary to prioritize authentic moments and have sex realistically.